After meeting with some of our staff this week, I have come to the conclusion (yet again!!) that there are some things in ministry about which a small number of people are so intolerant (dealing with their beloved traditions and preferences) that the only thing you can do toward them is “rise above” the unpleasantness they create. It’s unfortunate that there are Christians who think that their calling in life is to resist all change no matter how effective that change may be in enabling the church to reach people and impact its community. There is too much of the general feeling among a lot of Christians that worship is really all about “me” and what “I” want when I’m there.
I’m a peacemaker by nature and want to get along with as many people as possible. But, I simply will not allow a few (very few) disgruntled souls, more worried about preserving the past than living in the present, to derail the vision God has given us to accomplish. We have a great work to do and their periodic carping on a few “pet peeves” may get old to many of us, but we will not be sidetracked from the path God has given us to follow.
After our staff meeting concluded, I knew that the only course of action that would be acceptable to our God in dealing with these people is that we persevere in our pursuits until there’s a paradigm shift. If it takes one year or ten years, we’re just going to spiritually “suck it up” (that’s everyday talk for: “ask for lots of grace”) and move forward with the love of Christ, enduring hardness as good soldiers of the cross. We will not respond “in kind” to people’s petty behavior, nor lower ourselves to treat them as they sometimes treat us. To do so displeases the Lord and places us on the same plain where they operate.
Truth be told, I would never say (or do) some of the things I’ve heard professing Christians say (and do) through the years of my ministry when they are unhappy about something at church. Recently, I had a lady place her finger on my chest and repeatedly punctuate her points during a nearly ten-minute lecture, tirade. Several times during the “discussion” I felt like saying, “don’t you know the scripture says, ‘touch not God’s anointed and do my prophets no harm...,’” but I held my tongue and confessed my arrogance/anger when I got away from the situation. When I was able to get a word in edgewise, I said to her, “I love you, I hear what you are saying, and your opinion is important to me.” But, no sooner had I finished my gentle response than she quickly returned to the same mantra and finger-punctuated points. She finally concluded her talk, after I had repeated my response to her at least two more times, by saying, “you’re not going to do anything about this, are you?”
Well, let me give you a verse on this matter that I could have given her at that moment. “The wise are known for their understanding, and pleasant words are persuasive.” (Proverbs 16:21 NLT) The surest way I know to build resistance to your "cause" is to be unkind and harsh when expressing your opinion.
I have always tried to respect my elders (and will continue to do so...especially since I am one now) and have sought to honor them with my words and life. However, it takes “miraculous” grace to not treat some adults like children when they are acting like children. Temper tantrums aren’t any more attractive when worn by those who are advancing in years than they are when it’s the little ones in our homes. Incredibly, this woman would probably have never tolerated her children speaking or acting toward someone else (or her) in the way she was acting toward me.
I understand better, as I’ve aged myself, that change and/or adjustments are harder to accept than they used to be. And, it’s a scary time of life as lots of things seem to be threatening your security and stability on a daily basis. That’s one of the reasons I believe the church should never forget or treat contemptuously those with frosty white hair. But, the church is not a gathering place for one single age group and you have to be willing to see the bigger picture of what we are called to do. You simply cannot demand that your way be the only way without sending the message that nobody else matters to God...but you.
Not one criticism from this lady had anything to do with doctrinal error or misrepresentation of the truth of God. She didn’t quote a single biblical reference to demonstrate that we were doing anything that was a violation of His Word. This confrontation with me was nothing more than a “bullying” tactic to try and get her specific “preferences” prioritized as the only preferences we should adopt for our services.
I’m sorry, but I don’t deal well with bullying! And the fact is, we do many of the kinds of things she specifically likes for the very reason that we don’t want her or those of her persuasion to be left out. But, we just won’t acquiesce and abandon everything else simply to give her all that she specifically wants.
Now you know some of what pastoral staffs deal with on a regular basis. And just think of the pastor of a smaller church where he has few, if any, people to stand with him when the “fiery darts” are flying all around him. My heart goes out to these brave men and their families as they navigate through their God-appointed minefields...excuse me, pasture fields. May God give them grace, strength, and courage, to “fight the good fight” and PERSEVERE (!!) when they feel more like a punching bag than the beloved pastor of a caring flock.
I’m a peacemaker by nature and want to get along with as many people as possible. But, I simply will not allow a few (very few) disgruntled souls, more worried about preserving the past than living in the present, to derail the vision God has given us to accomplish. We have a great work to do and their periodic carping on a few “pet peeves” may get old to many of us, but we will not be sidetracked from the path God has given us to follow.
After our staff meeting concluded, I knew that the only course of action that would be acceptable to our God in dealing with these people is that we persevere in our pursuits until there’s a paradigm shift. If it takes one year or ten years, we’re just going to spiritually “suck it up” (that’s everyday talk for: “ask for lots of grace”) and move forward with the love of Christ, enduring hardness as good soldiers of the cross. We will not respond “in kind” to people’s petty behavior, nor lower ourselves to treat them as they sometimes treat us. To do so displeases the Lord and places us on the same plain where they operate.
Truth be told, I would never say (or do) some of the things I’ve heard professing Christians say (and do) through the years of my ministry when they are unhappy about something at church. Recently, I had a lady place her finger on my chest and repeatedly punctuate her points during a nearly ten-minute lecture, tirade. Several times during the “discussion” I felt like saying, “don’t you know the scripture says, ‘touch not God’s anointed and do my prophets no harm...,’” but I held my tongue and confessed my arrogance/anger when I got away from the situation. When I was able to get a word in edgewise, I said to her, “I love you, I hear what you are saying, and your opinion is important to me.” But, no sooner had I finished my gentle response than she quickly returned to the same mantra and finger-punctuated points. She finally concluded her talk, after I had repeated my response to her at least two more times, by saying, “you’re not going to do anything about this, are you?”
Well, let me give you a verse on this matter that I could have given her at that moment. “The wise are known for their understanding, and pleasant words are persuasive.” (Proverbs 16:21 NLT) The surest way I know to build resistance to your "cause" is to be unkind and harsh when expressing your opinion.
I have always tried to respect my elders (and will continue to do so...especially since I am one now) and have sought to honor them with my words and life. However, it takes “miraculous” grace to not treat some adults like children when they are acting like children. Temper tantrums aren’t any more attractive when worn by those who are advancing in years than they are when it’s the little ones in our homes. Incredibly, this woman would probably have never tolerated her children speaking or acting toward someone else (or her) in the way she was acting toward me.
I understand better, as I’ve aged myself, that change and/or adjustments are harder to accept than they used to be. And, it’s a scary time of life as lots of things seem to be threatening your security and stability on a daily basis. That’s one of the reasons I believe the church should never forget or treat contemptuously those with frosty white hair. But, the church is not a gathering place for one single age group and you have to be willing to see the bigger picture of what we are called to do. You simply cannot demand that your way be the only way without sending the message that nobody else matters to God...but you.
Not one criticism from this lady had anything to do with doctrinal error or misrepresentation of the truth of God. She didn’t quote a single biblical reference to demonstrate that we were doing anything that was a violation of His Word. This confrontation with me was nothing more than a “bullying” tactic to try and get her specific “preferences” prioritized as the only preferences we should adopt for our services.
I’m sorry, but I don’t deal well with bullying! And the fact is, we do many of the kinds of things she specifically likes for the very reason that we don’t want her or those of her persuasion to be left out. But, we just won’t acquiesce and abandon everything else simply to give her all that she specifically wants.
Now you know some of what pastoral staffs deal with on a regular basis. And just think of the pastor of a smaller church where he has few, if any, people to stand with him when the “fiery darts” are flying all around him. My heart goes out to these brave men and their families as they navigate through their God-appointed minefields...excuse me, pasture fields. May God give them grace, strength, and courage, to “fight the good fight” and PERSEVERE (!!) when they feel more like a punching bag than the beloved pastor of a caring flock.
