It Matters Who You Know

Matthew 11:16-19

It really is “all about who you know,” if you are interested in obeying the Great Commission and bringing others to faith in Jesus Christ.

Christians have been guilty for too long of withdrawing into their safe circles of Christian friendships while isolating themselves from the very people that most need to be reached with the Gospel.

Someone has said, “that within five years of a person’s conversion to Christ the number of friendships they have outside the church is significantly reduced.” This one fact alone is enough cause for us to help new believers reach those around them (friends, family members, etc.) as soon as possible after they become followers of Jesus.

Some of the reasons we experience this isolation from unbelievers is that we start listening to our Christian music, watching our Christian shows, reading our Christian books, hanging out with our Christian friends, while speaking our Christian lingo. Consequently, before we know it...we’ve unintentionally distanced ourselves from the non-believers around us.

Studies show that most people who come to Christ do so because of a friendship that developed between a Christian and themselves.

In other words, the Gospel travels along relationships we already have or develop. Ed Stetzer, a Southern Baptist pastor/author said, “Non-relational evangelism is a contradiction.” And, I agree! If we are going to reach people with God’s love we have to get to know them and show genuine interest in them.

Research shows that...

• ...60% of conversions occur as a result of a serious life problem that starts a person on his/her journey to Christ.
• ...more than 70% of conversions resulted because of a relationship with a Christian(s) who was praying for them. Prayer proved more significant than tracts, books or watching Christian videos. (In other words, they were attracted to Christ by a genuine Christian friend that cared about them.)
• ...the majority of conversions took place in the context of a church setting/group, rather than in isolation.

One of my most difficult battles I face as a pastor is getting outside of the “bubble” in which I live to connect with people that need to know Christ. I spend so much time ministering to the saints, dealing with church matters, preparing messages, etc., that I have to intentionally work at creating relationships with unbelievers.

The same is true for most Christians, especially the longer you know Christ and are a part of His church. It’s not that we aren’t around unbelievers, but it’s that we don’t actively pursue the kind of relationships with them that build bridges for sharing the Gospel.

Dr. Rod Dempsey says that, “the greatest apologetic for the Gospel is love.” When people see that we genuinely love them and love one another, most of their arguments against Christ and His church are eliminated.

Jesus modeled for us this kind of relational evangelism and He was frequently criticized for it. The religious leaders of His day couldn’t understand why He wanted to associate with the very people that were usually considered the outcasts of their culture. Yet, not only did He intentionally relate to these people, He taught His disciples to relate to them, as well.

One of the struggles for a long time in many churches was that they were mostly interested in helping people “make decisions” for Christ. But, too often they didn’t help them go on to become fully devoted followers of Jesus Christ. However, it’s easy for the pendulum to swing too far in the opposite direction toward a spiritual in-breeding where our only focus is in discipling each other.

The truth is that a believer who isn’t reproducing other believers (disciples of Christ) isn’t a fully devoted follower of Jesus...no matter how many spiritual disciplines he may have mastered.

Why is it when we think of “making disciples”(which the Great Commission commands) our first thoughts usually turn to the believers that are already around us? Why don’t we also think of going to those that have never heard, nor seen the authentic Gospel through an authentic Christian life? Jesus spent time with the twelve in discipling them, no doubt. But, He also left His disciples (or took them with Him) to “make disciples” of those that had no chance of a relationship with Him apart from His coming to them (cf. Matthew 11:1). Shouldn’t “making disciples” include people that don’t know Jesus, as well as those who already do?

I’m not trying to pit “decisions” against “disciples.” These two should cooperate in a continuum of Christian experience. You cannot become a disciple of Jesus without first making a decision to trust Him as your Savior. And, to trust Him as your Savior is the beginning of a journey of discipleship that continues the rest of your life.

However, it sometimes feels as if we place greater emphasis today on the post-discipleship process (mentoring believers) than we do on the initial decision a person has to make in order to become a follower of Jesus. Shouldn’t we be equally concerned about both?

Could it be that part of the problem with helping people “decide” for Christ is that we really don’t know that many unbelievers who are our friends? Or, could it be that we simply don’t want to expend the energy to build relationships with those we can lead to Jesus?

Our actions appear to be saying at times, “I’ll help those who are already believers become fully devoted followers of Christ so they can develop relationships with unbelievers that can be won to Christ.” Or, in simple words, “do as I say...not as I do.”

Granted, new believers in Christ need a “tour guide” (discipler) to help them understand the new pathway on which they are travelling. But, every believer ought to reach a place where they are “self-guided” in their journey with Jesus and able to follow the pathway without constant attention.

Having said all that...the point of this message isn’t to debate the issue of “decisions” vs. “disciples.”  The fact is, it matters who you know if you are going to lead people into a relationship with Jesus that becomes a lifetime of devotion to Him.

In other words, we have to genuinely get to know people around us so they are more than just passing acquaintances to us.

Matthew 11:16-19 illustrates this point from the life of Jesus. In the first ten chapters of Matthew, the Messiah (Jesus) is demonstrably introduced to Israel with the opportunity for them to accept Him and His Kingdom. In chapters eleven to thirteen the Messiah is rejected by Israel with devastating consequences for the nation, but redeeming consequences for individuals of all nationalities.

In this context of His rejection, Jesus repeats one of the most frequent criticisms made about Him.

“For John came neither eating nor drinking, and they say, ‘He has a demon.’ The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ‘Look, a glutton and a winebibber, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!’ But wisdom is justified by her children.” (Matthew 11:18-19)

It’s important to remember that the accusation against Jesus that He was a “glutton and a winebibber” was a false characterization of His actions. It was an exaggeration used by His enemies for the purpose of diminishing Him. Actually, this exact phrase is how you brought an official charge against a rebellious and stubborn son under the Mosaic Law.

“If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother, and who, when they have chastened him, will not heed them, 19then his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his city, to the gate of his city. 20And they shall say to the elders of his city, ‘This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious; he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton and a drunkard.’” (Deuteronomy 21:18-20)

Nevertheless, it was true that Jesus associated with and befriended the people most everyone else ignored and/or ostracized.

There are three things that can be gleaned from this criticism of Jesus that is applicable for us specifically:

1. Jesus never hesitated to befriend those that needed Him most.

Consider some of the infamous people Jesus befriended:

• Jesus befriended Levi the tax collector (Matthew 9:9 - i.e., Matthew) and went to his house to eat with other tax collectors who were friends of Levi. (cf. Zacchaeus, Luke 19:1-10)

• Jesus befriended a Samaritan woman that had been married five times and was living with a man that was not her husband. (John 4:7-42)

• Jesus befriended a leper whom no one else would touch, but Jesus healed. (Luke 5:12-15)

• Jesus befriended a Pharisee that came to him by night whose name was Nicodemus. (John 3:1-16)

• Jesus befriended blind Bartimaeus (as He left Jericho) and gave Him both his physical and spiritual sight. (Mark 10:46-52)

• Jesus befriended Mary Magdalene who was possessed by seven demons and set her free. (Luke 8:2; Mark 15:40; 16:9-10; John 19:25 -- She was first to discover the resurrection, first to see the resurrected Christ [John 20:1-2, 11-18] and first to report to the disciples.) For some of the known behavior of those possessed with demons read Mark 5:1-17 or Matthew 17:14-23; Luke 9:37-42; Mark 9:17-29)

• The stories of Jesus reaching to the outcasts of society are legendary and found all throughout the Gospel accounts. He cared about the blind, maimed, deaf, sick, bereaved, etc., with deep compassion that He might offer them mercy.

“...for the Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost.” (Luke 19:10)

“When Jesus heard that, He said to them, Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. 13But go and learn what this means: I desire mercy and not sacrifice. For I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance.” (Matthew 9:12-13; cf. Mark 2:17; Luke 5:31)

2. Jesus’ purpose for befriending sinners was never lost in the friendship itself.

Jesus didn’t become a friend of sinners solely for the purpose of having friendships in His life. He was never off mission with the people that surrounded Him. He always maintained His purpose to show them genuine compassion so that He might ultimately offer them life everlasting.

Jesus’ example teaches us that...

• Being a friend of sinners doesn’t mean we have to condone, justify or participate in someone else’s sin.
• Being a friend of sinners doesn’t mean we have to put ourselves in places and circumstances that promote and encourage their sin.

• Being a friend of sinners doesn’t mean that we can’t refuse or even confront their sin in appropriate ways.
• Being a friend of sinners means that we intentionally build relationships with people that we might show them genuine compassion and interest with the ultimate purpose of demonstrating and declaring the Gospel to them.

• John Maxwell said, "People don't care how much you know (or Whom you know - my addition) until they know how much you care."

3. Because He befriended sinners, Jesus was severely criticized.

If you make befriending sinners a priority in your life so you can love them as Christ’s representative, then you will be severely criticized, too!

The story (whether true or not I don’t know, but it illustrates an important point) is told that after D.L. Moody had started a Sunday school class in Chicago for poor kids that he was walking down the street one day and saw a kid that had been absent for several weeks.

Mr. Moody yelled, "Hey, kid, you weren't there last Sunday."

The boy proceeded to take off running down the street while Mr. Moody pursued after him. The young boy ran into an apartment house and Mr. Moody followed him inside.

The boy opened an inner door to an apartment and Mr. Moody got there just before the door shut. He opened the door, went in to look for the boy, and found him hiding under a bed. Mr. Moody grabbed him by the foot and pulled him out and said, “You didn’t come to Sunday school last Sunday. I want to see you there this week.”  

About that time his father entered the room and asked, “What’s going on here?”

Mr. Moody said, “My name is Dwight Moody.” To which the father responded, “Oh, you must be ‘crazy Moody!’”

Other stories of his life indicates that he was called “crazy Moody” because of his unabashed way of speaking about Christ to people. But, the fact remains that if you get passionate about befriending people for the Gospel’s sake, you will have people that think you are crazy and misinterpret what you are doing.

Here are some practical things that all of us can do that will make a BIG difference:

1. Let’s make a list of our friends and family that don’t know Christ and start praying for them every day.
2. Let’s intentionally get to know people in our neighborhoods and workplaces in order to build genuine relationships with them.
3. Let’s look for opportunities to share our faith stories with others about how Christ changed our lives and gave us hope.
4. Let’s use our influence with others to get them to church services to hear the Gospel proclaimed.
5. Let’s invite our unconverted friends to our Life Groups on the campus and in our homes where they can meet real Christians up close.
6. Let’s watch for the reversals/trials of life that inevitably come to people and seize them as opportunities to show the compassion of Christ.