There’s an interesting cartoon that shows a fourth-grade boy standing toe-to-toe and nose-to-nose with his teacher and behind them stares a blackboard covered with math problems the boy hasn't finished. With rare perception the boy tries to excuse himself by saying, "I'm not an underachiever, you're an overexpecter!"Obviously, this cartoon is primarily about failing to achieve your potential, but there really are some people who probably should be classified as “overexpecters.” You’ve met a person or two like that, haven’t you? They have unrealistic expectations for other people that almost guarantees someone is going to fail them and they are going to be hurt.
A classic example of the “overexpecter” is given by Dr. Thom Rainer who is President and CEO of Lifeway Resources. He tells the story about one of his pastorates when an angry critic called him and yelled at him for over 10 minutes on the phone because he did not visit her when she was in the hospital. When he tried to calmly explain that he didn’t even know she was in the hospital, she shouted even louder, “Well, you should have!”
Many years ago there was a lady that was unhappy about the level of care she was receiving from our church. She was still relatively young (70’s), but had some health issues that supposedly prevented her from coming to Sunday worship. As a result, my wife and I began going to her house periodically to give her some extra attention. One day I was enjoying a meal in a restaurant with my family and as I was leaving I saw this lady with one of her friends in the same restaurant. I didn’t think too much about it at first, but as the next few months passed I learned that this lady regularly went to the store, restaurants, mall, etc., sometimes for extended periods of time. After some further discovery about her physical condition I began to curtail my visits to her even though it came with increased and painful criticism from her. I didn’t know what to think at the time, but now I know she was a classic “overexpecter” that was diverting valuable ministry time for her own self interest.
Most of the pastors I know have a passionate desire to care for the people that God has placed in their sphere of influence. It’s one of the reasons they entered the ministry as shepherds of God’s flock. They long to be a vehicle through which God can show His love to hurting people at their deepest point of need. I have never had an experience when someone felt their needs hadn't been met that my heart did not ache because I wasn't able to meet their expectations. But, it simply isn’t realistic to think that you can meet all the demands of all the people all the time, especially when some of those demands come from “overexpecters.”
There are times in ministry when you have to sort through people’s needs and ask yourself the question, “Where does God want me to be right now?” You never like to have to make those kinds of decisions, but sometimes it’s absolutely necessary. And, you have to be ready to take the unjustified criticism from “overexpecters” because you didn’t prioritize their needs above the more immediately pressing ones.
Please permit me to offer some helpful advice to all church members on behalf of their pastors so that we may all be helpful and caring toward one another.
- You need to know that the expectations and demands on a pastor and his staff are enormous. At the same moment you need their help there are probably numerous other people that feel the exact same way, not to mention the needs of his own family.
- Be mature enough to evaluate your situation to make sure that the right place to look for help is to the pastor and his staff. There are some things in life that family and friends are the primary ones that God intends to use to assist and encourage you.
- You must make friends in the church or you probably won’t have friends that know you have a need. This is where involvement in a weekly Life Group is invaluable.
- If you do need the pastor’s attention, make sure to call him (or a member of his staff) directly to inform him about what’s going on in your life.
- If he has to send a representative in his place don’t take it as an insult. He’s only human and he can’t be everywhere at the same time.
- Once your initial crisis has passed don’t expect him to know if you need additional care. Pastors are not omniscient, nor are they omnipotent or omnipresent.
- If you think something has been overlooked, the right way to get attention is to call the pastor or a member of his staff to make sure they know the situation. It’s often the “overexpecters” that become critical and fail to give their spiritual leaders the benefit of the doubt.
Don’t assume the worst about your pastor (or his staff) if he hasn’t met all of your expectations. I’m sure he loves you and he’s doing the best that he can to care for those God has placed in his trust!
