“As the beating of cream yields butter and striking the nose causes bleeding, so stirring up anger causes quarrels.” (Proverbs 30:33 NLT)
This proverb actually advises people to strive for peace and harmony through humility and righteousness. I know it doesn’t say it that way, but that’s the essence of the proverb. It does this by reminding us that when you agitate people, you end up “stirring up [their] anger” and that only leads to “quarrels." The first two illustrations in this verse show how “beating” and “striking” both get specific responses. So, irritating and/or provoking someone is going to make that person mad and bring on the responses of "quarrels" and contentions. Again, it’s sort of back to a another proverb that says, “A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.” (Prov. 15:1) Being able to avoid an argument or keep from making it worse is the mark of a mature believer. Sure, there are times when you have to confront problems and get unpleasant matters resolved. However, most of the time when you force the conversation or pursue it at the wrong times it only amplifies the problems that already exist. If someone is pushing (“stirring”) you and you feel your temper rising, the best thing you can do is to ask them to wait until a later, set time to discuss the matter. Then, get away and gain your composure and prepare to talk about the “problem” and not attack the person. Anger will almost always make us attack the person rather than the problem. Nothing constructive ever comes from doing so and it usually degenerates into something even worse than the original problem. Another way to say it is, “Don’t push the other person’s proverbial buttons.” I see this a lot in relationships where couples know that certain things they say or do are going to “get under the skin" of the other person. Sometimes it’s intentional and they want to “stir up anger.” At other times it’s accidental and completely unintended. Again, we have to be able to sit down and resolve issues in a mature fashion. For instance, in a relationship, one person can’t always have his/her way to the exclusion of the other person. A marriage relationship is a partnership that requires two adults being able to learn each others strengths and weaknesses so they can help the other person become better. Sometimes there are things that have to be resolved in a manner that accommodates all persons involved, but it will almost never happen when you are “stirring up anger” rather than maintaining a calm, cool composure. Things to remember:
- You are responsible for how “YOU treat” others.
- You are also responsible for how “YOU react” to others who mistreat you.
Responding in an appropriate fashion takes growing in Christ and with it, you get better with proper actions/responses over time. We all have to work at this because it doesn’t come naturally. It takes God’s help!
