Proverbs 22:6
The Psalmist makes a powerful statement about the children God gives to us. He says...
Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them… (Psalm 127:3-5)
What does a hunter do with his arrows before releasing them from the bow? Of course, he aims them at a target. In a similar fashion, we as parents are instructed to point our children at the “target” of God’s will and glory. Your children are not your own, they belong to God and are on loan to you. You must be a good steward of your precious gifts from God.
Proverbs gives us help in understanding this God-given responsibility. It says...
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6)
Before breaking down this verse to learn what it says about “aiming” our children at God’s target (Psalm 127:3-5), let’s first deal with a common misunderstanding about this proverb.
This verse does not say that a child can NEVER (!!) go astray, if we train them properly. You must remember that a proverb is a literary device that states a general principle, not an unassailable promise. There are many outside forces that weigh on your children’s lives, especially when they reach the teen/college years. Because a child has a free will, it is possible that he/she may be led away from the very things you taught him/her growing up. But, the probability of this happening is dramatically reduced when you follow the advice of this passage.
To vastly increase the possibility of your children continuing with the Lord their entire lives we need to learn what it means to train them properly. Training your children biblically involves at least three things.
First, there is the matter of right timing.
The Hebrew word for “child” in this passage refers to someone from the age of infancy to the period of their adolescence. This implies at least three things in training your children.
- You must train them early.
You should “train” your children from the earliest age they can understand what you are teaching them. You shouldn’t wait until they are older to begin instilling in them the virtues and values you hold dear from the scriptures.
On one occasion someone asked a farmer, “How do you have such beautiful sheep?” To which he answered, “I take care of the lambs.” (Roy Zuck, The Speaker’s Quote Book, p. 50)
The time to begin the training of your children in godliness and righteousness is while they are just little lambs in your fold!
Francis Xavier (who lived in the 1500's) once said, “Give me the children until they are seven and anyone can have them afterwards.” (Roy Zuck, The Speaker’s Quote Book, p. 50)
In a Los Angeles park there was once a tree that was full-grown and very crooked. The strangest thing about the tree was that next to it was a pole standing straight up and down with a rope tying the two together. The straightness of the pole made the crookedness of the tree that much more apparent. The sad thing about this visual image was that it was too late to straighten the tree now that it was full-grown.
If you wait until your children are nearly grown to begin straightening the “bent” (inborn sinful tendencies) with which they were born, then it may prove to be too late.
- You must train them daily.
This is a process that cannot be done haphazardly, but must be done with daily consistency. What is acceptable/unacceptable one day can’t be overlooked the next day. And, teaching them the scriptures and spiritual truths is a daily responsibility...sometimes it’s done moment by moment.
“And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. ” (Deuteronomy 6:6-9)
In our churches we often speak about lifestyle evangelism, but there is also the matter of “lifestyle training” for our children. In other words, training your children in spiritual things isn’t reserved for just a specific time on a specific day at a specific place. It is to encompass the way you live every moment of every day, using each opportunity presented to you to keep God, His Word, and His ways before your children. You keep the scriptures daily before, them showing them how every life event, circumstance, problem, struggle, etc., is to be handled according to the Word of God.
- You must train them thoroughly.
Until your child reaches maturity and is able to make good decisions for himself, your task as a parent is not finished. And, even if your children make some bad decisions along the way (and most of them do), we never, never, never, give up on them!
If you’re seeking to train your children properly, pray that they never depart from that instruction. If they do stray away, pray that they soon return to the training they received as children, teens and young adults.
Second, there is the matter of responsible tailoring.
The biblical phrase, “in the way he should go,” is literally translated, “according to his own way.” In other words, you have to know your children’s strengths, weaknesses, personalities, as well as God’s ways. You don’t necessarily train according to the way you were trained growing up. There are several things to consider in this respect.
- Training should be according to maturity.
When this word (“training”) is used in a developmental sense, the training should match the age and maturity level of your child. What works for a young child may not work for an older one or vice versa. Consequently, you must tailor the training for the individual maturity level of each of your children.
- Training should be according to ability.
When this word (“training”) is used in a vocational sense, this verse can mean we are to train our children according to their aptitudes and abilities. Some children have an aptitude/ability that manifests itself as they mature. A wise parent will give training to his child to hone those natural skills.
However, parents should never try to live out their own lives through their children. Don’t let your own dreams or ambitions get forced onto your children when they don’t have the aptitude for the things you want them to love and/or do.
- Training should be according to personality.
When this word (“training”) is used in an emotional sense, this verse can mean that you are to train your children with what best motivates them according to their own personality or stage of life.
Some children are excessively sensitive and others are strong-willed. You have to know your children’s personalities to determine the best way to train them.
That means the method you use with one child may have to be significantly altered for your other children. The old sayings, “that’s the way my parents raised me and that’s the way I’m going to raise you” or “it was good enough for me and it is good enough for you,” often don’t work. Wise is the parent that seeks to understand the personalities of their children and tailors the training for each child specific to the child.
- Training should be according to priority.
When this word (“training”) is used in a moral sense, this verse can mean that we are to train our children according to what is virtuous and shows good values. This is the fundamental understanding of this phrase in light of how the word “way” is used elsewhere in Proverbs. For instance...
Positively Illustrated:
“I have taught you the way of wisdom; I have led you in the paths of uprightness.” (Proverbs 4:11)
“I walk in the way of righteousness, in the paths of justice…” (Proverbs 8:20)
“In the path [way] of righteousness is life, and in its pathway there is no death.” (Proverbs 12:28)
Negatively Illustrated:
“There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death.” (Proverbs 14:12)
“There is severe discipline for him who forsakes the way; whoever hates reproof will die.” (Proverbs 15:10)
“There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death.” (Proverbs 16:25)
These are all statements that use of the word “way” in a moral and/or ethical sense.
Don’t leave your children to navigate this world without a moral “compass” to help them make the right/proper choices in life. Teach them the Ten Commandments! Show them the commands of Christ. Help them memorize scripture! Explain the truth of God to them so they can understand His ways and how it applies to their lives!
Third, there is the matter of reliable training.
Training involves several components...
- There is demonstration.
“Training” is about teaching your child what to do and how to do it. Of course, before you can effectively teach your children the way of righteousness, you must first DEMONSTRATE it to them yourself. Children learn from their parents’ example of godly living. Look at nearly any sport or professional discipline and you’ll discover there is a trainer who shows the way while helping the other person find their way.
A lot of what children learn is by osmosis. As children are exposed to their parents living out their faith, they learn to live out their own faith.
- There is education.
In post Biblical Hebrew this word (“train”) was used in reference to catechizing children. The catechism is a question and answer method of teaching spiritual truth. It was a means of educating children in the truth so that it became ingrained in their hearts and minds. By repetition we ingrain biblical values. Your children are not going to learn God’s ways the first time they hear it. You teach them God’s ways over and over again until it becomes second nature to them.
- There is initiation.
The word (“train”) can also speak of putting dates or honey on the finger and introducing it into an infant's mouth to cause him to begin sucking. It is the idea of creating a hunger and thirst for that which is good and godly. (Keil & Delitzsch, Commentary On Proverbs)
Through feast days, festivals and altars built to the Lord, Israel kept the works of God before the eyes of the next generation. These things served as reminders to them of what God had done, as well as create a desire for them to see Him do it again.
“...things that we have heard and known, that our fathers have told us. We will not hide them from their children, but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the Lord, and his might, and the wonders that he has done. He established a testimony in Jacob and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers to teach to their children, that the next generation might know them, the children yet unborn, and arise and tell them to their children, so that they should set their hope in God and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments; and that they should not be like their fathers, a stubborn and rebellious generation, a generation whose heart was not steadfast, whose spirit was not faithful to God.” (Psalm 78:3-8)
“This day shall be for you a memorial day, and you shall keep it as a feast to the Lord; throughout your generations, as a statute forever, you shall keep it as a feast.” (Exodus 12:14)
“And Joshua said to them, “Pass on before the ark of the Lord your God into the midst of the Jordan, and take up each of you a stone upon his shoulder, according to the number of the tribes of the people of Israel, that this may be a sign among you. When your children ask in time to come, ‘What do those stones mean to you?’ then you shall tell them that the waters of the Jordan were cut off before the ark of the covenant of the Lord. When it passed over the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off. So these stones shall be to the people of Israel a memorial forever.” (Joshua 4:5-7)
- Make your children hungry for more of God by talking about how He is at work in your life.
- Share how He answers prayer and speaks to you through His Word.
- Make Sundays the most exciting day of their week by showing your own enthusiasm about gathering at the church for worship.
- Ask them periodically where they see God working in their lives so they will become sensitive to His presence.
- Point out things you see God doing in your children’s lives so they don’t miss it or not recognize it.
- There is dedication.
The word (“train”) is used in Scripture to speak of setting something apart for sacred use (ex., a house—Deuteronomy 20:5, the Temple—1 Kings 8:63; 2 Chronicles 7:5, an image—Daniel 3:2). In essence, when you set something apart, you are limiting how that particular item may be used.
This means that your training will involve dedicating your children to God by applying reasonable limits for their own-well being. Appropriate discipline and boundaries are essential to training children in the way they should go.
“The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.” (Proverbs 29:15; cf. 1 Samuel 3:13)
Conclusion:
Listen to these four commitments every parent should make:
- I will love God and pursue my relationship with Him on a daily basis.
- I will honor God by obeying His word in my life.
- I will teach my child to love and reverence God.
- I will provide spiritual and moral training for my child according to God's Holy Word.
If you can acknowledge those four statements, I invite you (and grandparents) to join me at the altar for a prayer of dedication to raising your children in the way they should go and “aiming” them at His glory!
