It’s become quite popular these days to make fun of men in commercials and on TV programs. And, that’s OK because we men can handle it...I think! Actually, it’s good for us to laugh at ourselves and to see some of the funny differences in the way men and women relate to life.
There’s a new LG commercial that shows a mom watching her son standing in front of an open refrigerator as if the food he can’t find will magically appear. She walks over, opens a door within a door, and takes out what he is looking for as she wonders to herself, “Where does he get that from?”
The next scene of the commercial shows her husband opening the same refrigerator door to stand in front of it exactly as her son had done a few moments earlier. As she watches him she muses to herself, “Oh, and there you have it. The tree from which the apple fell.”
I know some men take offense at these types of commercials, but I actually find them sort of comical. We men do have some “unusual” (but absolutely essential) traits that can make you laugh. That is...if we don’t take ourselves too seriously.
Putting all joking aside, there are some really important reasons for us to take men seriously, especially those who are fathers, as we celebrate this special day in their honor.
Data compiled from a number of sources (i.e., U.S. Census Bureau, National Center on Child Abuse and Neglect, National Fatherhood Initiative, & National Center for Education Statistics) shows the struggle children often have when they grow up with an absent father.
- There are 24 million children in America – one out of three – that live in homes without biological fathers.
- A child with a nonresident father is 54 percent more likely to be poorer than his or her father.
- Fatherless children are twice as likely to drop out of school.
- A study of 13,986 imprisoned women showed that more than half of them grew up without their father. Forty-two percent grew up in a single-mother household, and 16 percent lived with neither parent.
- Children growing up without fathers are at a far greater risk of child abuse.
- They have a 77% greater risk of being physically abused.
- They have an 87% greater risk of being harmed by physical neglect.
- They have a 165% greater risk of experiencing notable physical neglect.
- They have a 74% greater risk of suffering from emotional neglect.
- They are at an 80% greater risk of suffering serious injury as a result of abuse.
- And overall, they are at a 120% greater risk of being endangered by some type of child abuse.
Don’t misread/overread the purpose of me giving these statistics. I believe that a single mother can successfully raise her children in a God-glorifying way. But, the statistics indicate that the challenges are greater in those single parent homes than for those where both parents are working together to raise their children.
Recently, I read an article about the importance of a father’s role in his children’s lives. I want to share a portion of this author’s “down-home” insights just to emphasize the importance of dad’s role in the family.
He writes, “Conventional wisdom these days seems to quietly concede that dads are not all that necessary anymore. Just watch a sitcom. One mom (or two) is sufficient for a healthy upbringing. Dads may be great, but are most certainly dispensable.
“Due to the mercies of God...Kids who grow up without a father in the home can develop into strong, successful people. Having said that, principles should not be constructed from exceptional cases. Broadly speaking, kids prosper uniquely when they are afforded the privilege of growing up under the influence of an involved, loving father...For a somewhat distinct set of reasons, children equally need moms. I’m not denying overlap between the two subsets; nor am I suggesting all dads must fit a precast mold. But qualifiers aside, engaged [in the rearing of their children] fathers bequeath unique benefits to the nurture of healthy, well-rounded children. And it’s okay to say so...
“Why do kids need dads?” He asks. “The question could be answered from any number of angles—physiological, philosophical, sociological, theological, etc. Permit here a less formal response. Why do kids need dads? Bear hugs. Wrestling matches in the living room. Launching toddlers into the air and catching them on their way down—even if only by one limb. Responding triumphantly to the bloodied knee of a quivering-lipped munchkin looking for pity: ‘Way to go, kid-o, nice work!’ Discussing what’s under the hood of a car and why it matters. Tackle football in the back yard. Demonstrating the fine art of mowing the lawn and cleaning out the garage. Initiating, then providing the calming presence on a scary amusement park ride. Watching a ballgame and analyzing it afterwards...Demonstrating a love for sweaty, dirty work. Telling a kid pointedly: ‘Get over it, or ‘No, you can’t do that.’...Teaching the craft of using power tools, raking the lawn, changing a tire, and building a bike ramp. Pedagogy on shaving and tying a tie. Leading hunting, fishing, and camping trips, and adventurous hikes in nature. Teaching teenagers to park the car in the garage. Teaching teens to take responsibility when parking the car in the garage doesn’t go so well. Gruff warnings to the young man showing interest in your daughter. Gruffer words when warding off sleaze balls interested in the same daughter. Enlightening your daughter to the reality that what she sees as a cute outfit strikes guys differently. Warning sons about the destructive powers of pornography. Handling failure and trials with a steady spirit and steely resolve. Showing confidence and faith in God during tough times. Demonstrating the grace and strength of saying, ‘I was wrong, please forgive me’ and ‘I love you.’...Protecting and honoring [their mother] before their eyes with persistent fidelity. Bequeathing to the kids the stabilizing roots of family culture, of faith in God, of hope and love.”
He goes on to say, “These depictions of a father’s unique contribution to the nurture of his children are by no means universal, nor are they necessarily prescriptive. They merely reflect an orientation...and thus acknowledge that dads are not merely moms with hairy legs and balding heads….Dads are not absolutely essential; but this is not to say they are expendable. When they honorably express their masculinity in the home, their influence on children can prove invaluable. The trouble comes when that potential is squandered by selfish irresponsibility or abusive behaviors. I suspect many who dismiss the role of dads in the home continue to suffer the consequences of their own father’s failures. But the failures of some do not mitigate the potential of others. It is this potential upside that needs to be widely sounded in a culture too willing to usher dads to the periphery of family influence. We need good dads!”
If I could put it another way...what we really need are some All-Star dads on our team. It isn’t nearly as complicated as we sometimes make it out to be. Just being a genuine man of God that loves his family will go a long way to impact your children and shape their lives for the glory of God.
There are at least three qualities that I think are necessary for any all-star dad.
1. We must love our wives unconditionally.
I know it sounds crazy to some, but one of the most important things you can do for the good of your children is to love their mother with all your heart. Your children need to feel the stability of your marriage and to know that, aside from Jesus Christ, their mother is the most important person in your life.
Don’t let your work, recreation, friendships, media, outside commitments, spats, etc., get in the way of your children seeing the deep affection you have for your wife. If you want your sons to grow up knowing how to treat their future wives and your daughters to know how their future husbands should treat them, then you have to model that behavior before them in the home.
There is a beautiful section of poetry given to us in the Song of Solomon that exemplifies the importance of protecting the love we have with our wives. The Shulamite woman in the passage was probably Solomon’s first true love. We all know what happened as he disobeyed God and multiplied wives for his harem. But, that isn’t the way Solomon started out. At one point in the poem the Shulamite woman says some very poignant things about love.
“Place me like a seal over your heart,
like a seal on your arm.
For love is as strong as death,
its jealousy as enduring as the grave.
Love flashes like fire,
the brightest kind of flame.
Many waters cannot quench love,
nor can rivers drown it.
If a man tried to buy love
with all his wealth,
his offer would be utterly scorned.” (Song of Solomon 8:6-7 NLT)
In other words, Solomon’s bride asks to be her lover’s most valued possession, one that would influence his thoughts (“over your heart”) and his actions (“on your arm”). She says that their love is as irresistible as “death.” It is exclusive and possessive (in the sense of being genuinely concerned for the one loved) as “the grave.” It is passionate (as “flashes of fire”) and as invincible and persevering as “many waters” and “rivers.”
In essence, what she is saying is that she wants their love for each other to be treated as something that is valuable and priceless...not to be taken lightly.
Men, don’t pursue your wives like a project that is to be completed (get her to the marriage altar) so you can move onto other ventures. We are to love our wives like Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her. This love is to be a selfless, sacrificial, giving love that causes you to treat her as the most valuable treasure you possess in this life. Anything less disqualifies you from making the all-star dad’s team and creates an instability for your children that may well affect them for the rest of their lives.
2. We must lead our families faithfully.
It never surprises me to hear the controversy this biblical truth creates in modern society. However, in spite of what you might have heard from the secularists, this is not about returning to a patriarchal society where men dominate women. It is not about male chauvinism as opposed to modern-day feminism. Neither is this about men being the bosses of their families, while the rest of their households are their servants.
This is about the kind of loving leadership where dads set the pace for all the members of the family to follow. Think about it like the runner that comes out of the blocks quickly, setting the pace for all of the other participants. Sometimes that front runner is overtaken down the backstretch by a faster runner behind him. But, in this case, there is no shame if you are ultimately passed up by your own kids that have followed your lead. That’s reason to rejoice and a measure of true success!!
What I’m talking about is men taking on their God-given responsibility to protect their families and provide direction/guidance to them. Unfortunately, too many men have receded into the shadows of anonymity because society judges harshly those men that talk about leading their families.
You’ve heard jokes like these, haven’t you?
“Any man that says he’s the head of his household is either lying or isn’t married.” Or, “My husband thinks he’s the head of our household, but I’m the neck that turns the head.” Or, “I can do anything I want in my house...as long as my wife says so.”
There’s a funny story about what happens to married men when they die and get to Heaven. It goes something like this...“While the men were waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared and said, ‘I want the men to make two lines, one line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their wives.’ Then He said, ‘I want all the women to report to St. Peter.’
“Soon, the women were all gone and there were two lines of men. The line of men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.
“God said, ‘You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you to be the head of your household! You’ve been disobedient and not fulfilled your purpose! Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him.’
“God turned to the one man and asked, ‘How did you manage to be the only one in this line?’ To which the man replied, ‘I don't know. My wife told me to stand here.’”
I think we should laugh at these kinds of characterizations spoken in jest. But, the reality is that too many of us have abdicated our role as the leader in our families. The fact is...God intends that every man lead appropriately in his family.
We should lead…
- in reading the Bible.
- in prayer.
- in worship.
- in following the Lord in baptism.
- in taking our families to church.
- in character.
- in Christlikeness.
- in service to God.
- in hard work.
- in good stewardship.
- in teaching our children about God.
- in discernment and good judgment.
- in loyalty.
- in dedication.
- in giving.
- in helping widows and orphans.
- in discipleship.
- in commitment to family.
- in having good-natured fun.
- in loving the life God has given us.
- etc., etc.
At the end of Joshua’s career of leading the Israelites to possess the land God had given them, he gather all the nation’s leaders together to challenge them about their continued faithfulness to the Lord. In his challenge he makes a declaration that I wish every man would make over his family. Listen to it carefully!
“So fear the Lord and serve him wholeheartedly. Put away forever the idols your ancestors worshiped when they lived beyond the Euphrates River and in Egypt. Serve the Lord alone. But if you refuse to serve the Lord, then choose today whom you will serve. Would you prefer the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates? Or will it be the gods of the Amorites in whose land you now live? But as for me and my family, we will serve the Lord.” (Joshua 24:14-15 NLT)
Those are the words of a man that understood the importance of his role as leader in his family.
3. We must live out our faith boldly.
All-star dads don’t hide the fact that they are disciples of Christ and they aren’t ashamed to let it be known that Jesus comes first. They wear the mantle of Christ with confidence and courage.
I’m not a prophet and can’t predict the future, but I believe the day is quickly coming (if it’s not already here) when it is going to cost us significantly to follow the teachings of scripture.
We need some warrior dads that want to live out their faith boldly and aren’t afraid of the conflict in this battle between good and evil. We need men that will suit up in the armor of God and march forward into the fight to change this world for the benefit of our children and children’s children. We need men that will fly the colors of their faith so everyone can see their unashamed identification with Jesus Christ. We need men of faith and commitment that say boldly, “contend...for the faith which was once for all delivered to the saints.” (Jude 3) The persecution of the first century may soon be that of the twenty-first century and we need dads that will stand firm in the face of the opposition.
Paul spoke clearly when he said, “Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.” (1 Corinthians 16:13 ESV)
He also wrote these words to the church at Ephesus, “A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.” (Ephesians 6:10-18 NLT)
To young Timothy Paul wrote, “Endure suffering along with me, as a good soldier of Christ Jesus. Soldiers don’t get tied up in the affairs of civilian life, for then they cannot please the officer who enlisted them.” (2 Timothy 2:3-4)
This is a battlefield and not a playground where we live. As men, we need courage, conviction and commitment “to fight the good fight.” (1 Timothy 6:12)
Closing:
Recently I read through the book of Ezekiel and in Chapter 22, God gives a stinging indictment of the people and priests for their many and varied sins. This chapter (along with several others) reads like one of our modern-day newspapers or the latest newscasts from one of our major cities reporting on the events of the day. In it God says, “And I sought for a man among them who should build up the wall and stand in the breach before me for the land, that I should not destroy it, but I found none.” (Ezekiel 22:30)
Building up the wall and standing in the gap formed by a breach in the wall were appropriate figures for fortifying the people in their hour of need. What we desperately need today is a generation of Christian men that are ready to be that “man” that will “build up the wall” and “stand in the breach.” Men that can lead this nation back to God. Men that will love their wives unconditionally, lead their families faithfully and live their faith boldly.
I ask all of you men today...WILL YOU BE THAT MAN?
